Well, obviously I couldn't keep this whole business from my wife for very long. She noticed my behavior was off and we had The Talk. I tried to be gentle and said I was thinking about becoming not frum but didn't tell her quite how far things have gone already. It didn't matter. She went ballistic. She couldn't care less about my 'terutzim' (as she put it). She took the kids and headed for her parent's house. She hasn't taken my calls.

In case you're thinking that her quick reaction is a siman that there were problems already, you are completely wrong. We have (had?) an excellent marriage. She's just very frum and she can't deal with this. I have no taineh to her.

While I'm mentioning a lack of tainehs, I also want to strenuously disagree with those who have said nasty things about the signers of the Slifkin ban and especially those who wrote against RME. I repeat: They represent Yiddishkeit the way it is. It isn't their fault that chazal believed the world is flat and bats lay eggs etc. Do you expect them to lie? They don't have an obligation to say what I need to hear or what will keep my marriage together. They need to speak the truth about Yiddishkeit. If that truth makes people realize that yiddishkeit is only for people who believe the world is flat, adaraba, that shows their yashrus.

As for RME, what do you expect? That he should get up and say that all the rabbanim who are against science are wrong? I don't know if he believes that or not. But even if he does, the matzav is that nobody can say that out loud. I don't expect RME or anybody else to stick their neck out just to say what I want to hear. I would actually find that patronizing.

It is interesting that some of those rabbanim who realize that we can't disregard science and that we can't farenfer all the gemaras that indicate that chazal had faulty knowledge of science are in some sense in a similar position as me. They have now been forced underground with their apikorsishe views. Maybe they tell themselves that they're not underground, they just don't want to be mekalkel those who aren't ready to hear this apikorsus. But that is really just terutzim. Perhaps if they were younger like me, they'd reach the same conclusion as me. I don't know.

Anyway, I'm trying to distract myself. For now, I'm facing a very lonely shabbos myself in this apartment. Nobody knows what happened and I don't want to discuss it with them, so I'll just hang at home. I'm very doubtful that I'll be makpid on this shabbos like last. Seudos I for sure won't have. It'll be tempting to blog but I probably won't. (If I do, I'll say right away how long it took to write it, so those who are makpid on bichdei sheyase also for a yisrael, will know how long to wait.)

A Gitten Shabbos to all.